I first started renatelijerka.com back on International Women’s Day 2015. Mainly because I had a lot to say that day and secondly, because it was a requirement for a unit at uni that I start one up ASAP… The popularity (it’s still my #1 viewed post) I had from that first post and the next few I put together after that, gave me a buzz I really wasn’t expecting. Seeing people from all over the world reading my little blog was insane and I thought wow, I could actually see myself doing this whole blogging thing. I get it.
Then life got in the way.
I left uni, started working full time and all that energy and passion for writing was lost underneath coming home and falling asleep on the sofa whilst semi-watching The Simpsons. From then on I found it impossible to get into a decent blogging routine. I asked other bloggers how they managed to post even 3 or 4 times a week (let alone daily) and they all said it was just lots of organisation, taking pictures in advance and grabbing inspiration when it struck… But I was doing all of that?
I have plenty of draft posts, half complete and crying out to be edited. I have plenty of ideas and I’m also lucky enough to have plenty of contacts and connections to keep things like beauty/lifestyle products coming along for reviews. Yet I still can’t shake this feeling that I have literally no idea what I’m talking about half the time, or why I’m even bothering…
I, very much like Sophie started my blog for professional reasons, rather than a love or passion for a specific area of blogging. I don’t think I’ll ever want to write about what I do from day to day and the term ‘lifestyle blogging’ still baffles me as to what that actually means, so I can’t see it ever becoming a full time career for me. I’d like to have it as an outlet or an extension of other things I’m doing, but that’s left me really lost as to where my blog fits in and where I take it next…
Maybe I’m answering my own questions when I say I don’t really want it to fit into a certain genre or category, but I’m sure that would make writing and scheduling posts a hell of a lot easier.
Sometimes I sit there writing a review and find myself wracked with guilt, asking myself if what I’m writing about is actually going to change anything in the world… which is probably actually really self-centered of me to even think I could influence the way anyone thinks with my ramblings on the internet. But do we really need another beauty blogger?
Don’t get me wrong, I love writing beauty and fashion related posts and I love reading them. I just find myself wondering if mine can ever really be all that original and whether I should be focusing on other things instead…
Recently I was approached by a recruiter who told me I’d be perfect for a Marketing position she was hiring for but she just wanted to know, ‘on behalf of her client’, if I’d be ‘willing’ to delete my blog. All the beauty posts were fine, just any of those that showed my opinion about absolutely anything other than a product was a no-go. Safe to say I told her where to go and to pass on my where-to-go message to her ‘client.’
If ever my point was proven that sexism is still rife within every industry, it was then. Isn’t it sad how scared people are of a women expressing herself? It seemed worse to me too that the message was relayed to me by a woman…
I’m assuming they’re referring to posts under this category. If you find anything particularly ‘angry’ do let me know.
I haven’t written anything that could be perceived in that way, or along those kind of lines since then (except a few sarcastic tweets) and I’m not really sure why. I wouldn’t say its put me off those kinds of posts. If anything, its made me think I need to write more. But its definitely made me wary about how quickly people can form opinions about you after reading something online and where those opinions can take them.
Speaking of people and opinions – interacting within the blogging community is another issue for me. I don’t know where I fit it, so I don’t know who to talk to..? It sounds a bit pathetic and I’m laughing at myself as I type this, because I’m certainly not shy about talking to people (especially on social media) but I never want to force something, which is how I seem to feel whenever I join in with a blogger chat. I always struggle to answer the questions without sounding corny or cliche and that really isn’t me.
Sophie says towards the end of her post, “I just feel withdrawn, not to mention plagued with guilt for being a huge hypocrite and like I constantly need to explain myself.” Which is exactly how I feel, except I feel like I’m explaining myself to myself.
Somebody tell me I’m not crazy?